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Sexual: Shameless on Showtime

I'm a little behind the times on this one, but one of my all-time favorite tv shows, Shameless, is coming to Showtime! Shameless has been on Channel 4 in the UK for ages, but only the first season is available on dvd in the US. From Shameless I've developed an obsession with British TV and a near stalkery love of James McAvoy. Ahhhhhhh...is it gross to want to lick somebody's face? I do, I want to lick McAvoy's face. The dude set to play McAvoy's character in the Showtime edition is Justin Chatwin (pictured). I'm not real familiar with this guy, but if he doesn't bring the McAvoy hotness to the show, I'm going to sell my Weeds and Californication dvd's. Take that Showtime! Also set to star are William H. Macy, Allison Janney, and Emmy Rossum. For more information on the show http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/hr/content_display/television/news/e3i76276580006fdf756a5647251574ed25.

It's Book Club Time!!!

Today we’re reading Tempest Rising by Nicole Peeler.

Jane True lives in small town Rockabill, Maine, a town whose claim to tourist fame is Old Sow, a giant whirlpool off the coast that creates rare tidal phenomena. Jane has lived as the town pariah for years: her mother disappeared when she was six, she supposedly contributed to her boyfriend’s death eight years ago, and she loves to swim in the ocean no matter what the weather conditions. After the mysterious death of a visiting writer, who Jane pulls from the Old Sow, Jane is visited by a gnome, a kelpie, and a big dog that can talk named Anyan. She’s told that she’s half-supernatural/half-human. Her mother was a selkie, a being which can take the shape of a human or seal. Since the supernatural community is investigating the death of the writer (he was a supe as well), they send Ryu, a vampire investigator, to question Jane. Luckily, Jane and Ryu get along very well and the book takes off into a new world that both Jane and the reader have the pleasure of experiencing.

This supernatural dramedy is well-written, funny, full of interesting and odd characters, and, the best part...hot sex. Mmmmmmm, I highly recommend you put this on your reading list. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

Please turn to page 132 – beach picnic, skinny dipping, and an extremely steamy shag (sans sandy hoohah).

Please turn to page 208 – bath sex: “...there are indeed some bath toys more exciting than a rubber ducky.”

There’s plenty more shagging in this book. I don’t want to ruin all the sexualness for you. Read it yourself.

The next book, Tracking the Tempest, is due out in June of this year. It’s on my Amazon Wishlist. This book gets 4 out of 4 Libby nods! It more than fulfilled expectations. Yeaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Fat Suit Poppy

Watched a kickass movie on Lifetime the other day: Lying to be Perfect with Poppy Montgomery. It’s a modern day, mid-30’s, overweight Cinderella story. It has a really cheesetastic message of “Be all that you can be!” and “Dream big!”. However, there’s a hot guy in it, and, my favorite...wait for it...a makeover! I can’t tell you how much I love a good makeover in a movie.

Poppy works at Shine!, a celebrity gossip/fashion type of magazine. After having her talent ignored at work and no sex life, Poppy and two of her good friends make a “cinderella pact” to get hot. You watch the hotness unfold as Poppy magically sheds her fat suit and changes from an overweight frump who eats powdered doughtnuts in public (everyone knows you eat powdered doughnuts in the privacy of your own shame) to a sassy, confident woman with good hair. She meets a scorching dude, who also happens to be rich. All in all, her pact to get hot works. If you happen to come across this movie in the future, I’d highly suggest giving it a watch. It’s one of those rare, happy Lifetime movies in which there is no murder, rape, cheating, wife-beating, or ugly male lead. Well played, Lifetime, well played.

It's Book Club Time!!!

Today we’re reading “Original Sin” by Allison Brennan.

I picked this little gem up at CVS. I was attracted by the shiny cover, like a retarded moth to a bug zapper. I should really listen to that crap about not judging a book by its cover.

Quick plot summary: Moira is a demon hunter, and she is presently hunting her witch mother, Fiona. Fiona has loosed the seven deadly sins on the world in the form of seven really bad demon dudes. Moira and her crew have to catch the demons and send them back to hell. In “Original Sin” they catch Envy, only after it has wreaked havoc on a small town in California.

This book is lame. The characters are all fucktards and the storyline is crap. I want to hit Moira in the face every time she is in a scene. She’s supposed to be a badass, but she’s just a whiny little bitch with a chip on her shoulder (her mom raised her to be an evil witch, but she doesn’t want to be an evil witch...boohoo). Moira has an unexplained sexual thing going on with Rafe, an ex-seminarian who knows demon language. They have a random make-out session after Moira kills a demon. I didn’t know that killing demons was sexual? Gross.

My main concern with the book is that one of the characters, a lady sheriff named Skye, keeps using the word “woo-woo” as a term for anything supernatural. I grew up in a family where “woo-woo” means vagina, so I kept getting confused. Example: Skye says, “You’re getting woo-woo on me...” I think, “Gross! Someone is putting their lady bits on the poor girl!” Note to the author: Never, ever, use the term “woo-woo” again. You sound like a fucking preschool teacher.

SEX SCENE ALERT! Turn to page 246. Anthony, a demonologist, and Skye, the small town sheriff, have kitchen counter sex. Not exactly sanitary, but nothing a good antiseptic won’t take care of...maybe...can you get e.coli in your privacies?

This book gets ½ out of 4 Libby nods. It’s unoriginal, I want to bitch slap most of the characters, and I’m pissed that there are probably going to be six more of the damn books in the works (the next one is “Carnal Sin”... the plot is easy to guess). I can only blame myself for this one. The shiny cover offers an apple of knowledge. Tempted, I took a bite and realized I was better off not knowing. This book is a sin.

Steel Magnolia's Quote of the Week!

"I heard you got so screwed up you cut your dog out of your will and had an ungrateful nephew put to sleep."

It's Book Club Time!!!

Today we’re talking about “The Strangely Beautiful Tale of Miss Percy Parker” by Leanna Renee Hieber.

I couldn’t put this book down. I read it in two days. I would have read it in one day if my boyfriend would have allowed me to ignore him. But no, he actually wanted me to talk about my day and eat and do other shit...how rude. Anyway, the “Tale” includes mythological references, ghosts, a Harry-Potteresque boarding school, Victorian England, Jack the Ripper, and, most importantly, sexual tension. Even better, the tension is between the brooding, dark hotness that is Professor Alexi Rychman and his strange, kind albino student, Percy Parker. I love teacher-student sexualness; it’s perverted and it’s hot. I won’t ruin the book by actually discussing plot, but I will discuss where all the good parts are located. Let me qualify that “good parts”, in my not so humble opinion, are the sexual parts.

• On Percy’s first day at the boarding school, Athens Academy, she is warned by the headmistress that any fraternization with the opposite sex is grounds for immediate dismissal. I took this as some sexy foreshadowing. Is fraternizing in Percy’s future? I most certainly hope so!

• Although Percy is smart, she has problems with math, which means some private tutoring sessions with the mysterious Professor Rychman is in order. Could this lead to some clandestine teacher-student hotness?

• Professor Rychman teaches Percy to waltz during one of their tutoring sessions. This is soooooooooo fucking sexy! There’s nothing better than a hot man who can dance.

• MAKE-OUT SCENE ALERT!!! Just go ahead and skip to page 196. Bookshelves and “devouring” are involved.

• Professor Rychman “accidentally” walks in on Percy getting ready for a bath. She is of course naked....

Although there is never actually full on “doing it” in this book, there’s a follow-up due out at the end of April: “The Darkly Luminous Fight for Persephone Parker.” I’m convinced that the sequel will include penetration. And it will be all the better for having to wait. I give “The Strangely Beautiful Tale of Miss Percy Parker” 3 out of 4 Libby nods.

Sexual...

There are those few wonderful things in the world that are so badass and so fucking good that they qualify as "sexual". After a weekend in Wilmington, NC, devouring assorted sea creatures, I nominate oysters as sexual. I'm not nominating oysters as sexual because they are supposed to be an aphrodisiac, but because they are freaking delightful little mollusks that taste like a salty, oceany dreamland. I consumed the oysters at Dock Street Oyster Bar (dockstreetoysterbar.net), which I would highly recommend to anyone living in or visiting the Wilmington area. I know I will be going back soon so I can relive the sexualness.

"I Reinvented Me Dead"

It was True Movie Thursday last night on LMN and they played The Two Mr. Kissels. The movie came out on Lifetime in 2008, but somehow I missed it...astounding. This movie has all the best material a Lifetime movie has to offer: rich people, sex, scandal, cat-fighting, blow, sluts, gold-digging, murder, an erratic plot, and John Stamos's hair.

I really, really don't like Stamos. There was something very wrong about "Uncle Jessie". In this movie I just want to karate kick his annoying face. In fact, there's something wrong with Stamos's face the entire movie. I think he's wearing a crap ton of eyeshadow and patchy self-tanner. I'm surprised he didn't win an Emmy for this role...ugh...gross. Stamos, in an effort to come off as smooth and bored, looks like he has a bad case of indigestion. He does, however, say two of the best lines in the movie: "I reinvented me dead" and "What happens in Vegas stays in our pants." Classic.

The other star of the movie is Robin Tunney. All I can remember her from is that '90's teen angst drama, The Craft. Anyway, she looks like a dirty skeleton. .. gain some weight, bitch. She's in her underwear a lot in the movie, and I can't for the life of me understand why? Plus, she always has this expression on her face like she's smelling cheese..."bitchface". One of my favorite scenes in the entire movie is when bitchface decides to bang the cable guy while her rich husband is working in Hong Kong. As bitchface and the cable guy are making out she says, "I found your tool." Awessssooooommmmeeee! In the next scene she gets a tramp stamp and declares, "This is out of control." No, your like 50 or something and your tacky Chinese symbol back tattoo smacks of B. Spears, trailer parks, and Creed concerts. It's not out of control...it's lame. I actually got mad at this point. But then bitchface kills her husband and I think, "I was wrong, you are out of control." As she bludgeons her husband with a table sculpture thingy, all I can notice is how much I like bitchface's outfit. It's really cute. Nice shiny, red shoes.

The last 30 minutes of the movie I got distracted and kept flipping between Stamos and 30 Rock. However, I wasn't disappointed when there was an end montage scene complete with harp music...a Lifetime classic. There was a lesson to be learned from the movie: Money can't buy you happiness. But then who gives a shit, I need to get PAID bitches!

Steel Magnolia's Quote of the Week!

Since Steel Magnolia's is the most badass movie of all time, I thought it only fitting that it get a quote of the week. If you've never seen the movie, then I can't talk to you, you're lame. Go ahead and skip this post and go watch whatever 'nardy, crap movie that you think is the best movie of all time. Does your favorite movie have Ouiser (pronounced "Weezah") or Dolly Parton's hair or Spud (the hotness that is Sam Shepard)? No, it doesn't. Maybe you should rethink your movie choices. Go ahead...rethink.

" My work tends to be too poofy when I'm nervous."

Mull on that!

My Mission Statement

What this blog will do for me: Because my talent and general awesomeness will become strikingly evident, everyone will suddenly realize that I'm actually not a losery little white girl. People will sing my praises in the street and I will get offers to become the new face of ProActiv, have my own reality show, sit down with Oprah, have walk-on parts as "myself" in movies and tv shows, start my own fashion line ("old lady chic" - lots of cardigans and comfortable shoes), have my own fragrance (aptly named - "You've Got Some Libby On You"), and win a Grammy, Emmy, and Oscar. I don't think this is too much to ask? I was going to add Golden Globe as well, but I don't want to get ahead of myself...